I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
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He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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