I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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