So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
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He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
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Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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