I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize