I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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