Yo dont text me then not text me
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize