Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
home. puking in laundry basket.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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