new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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