I accidentally had phone sex last night
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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