I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Sorry my hands just texted you
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize