your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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