i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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