I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize