The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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