I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize