I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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