When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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