Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize