$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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