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Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
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