worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
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