I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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