were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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