You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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