I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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