i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize