a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Randomize