Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
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also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
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no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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