When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
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Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
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Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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