I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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