just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
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