dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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