I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize