Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize