I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
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The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
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"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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