Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Vodka?
Forever.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize