i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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