I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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