You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting married
To pizza
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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