how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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