I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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