whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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