There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
you traded sex for a burrito?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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