Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
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He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
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Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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