I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
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and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
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Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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