So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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