Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize