I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
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It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
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Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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