Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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