I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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